From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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