speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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