oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
