i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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