So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
