the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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