i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
