I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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