Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His nipple licking is glorious
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