Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
