I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
