I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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