I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
