D3 body, D1 cock
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
