I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
