we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
