Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
