You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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