I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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