I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
