So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
