i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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