I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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