I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
