There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
