I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
