All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
