I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
