Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
