Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
