no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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