I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
