you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
