She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
