we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
