she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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