You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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