I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
