I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
