I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How naked do you want me to be?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
