she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize