According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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