textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
