if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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