I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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