I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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