So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize