lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
