k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
