He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
