I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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