I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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