does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Randomize
