i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
