i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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