I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
