I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
