This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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