using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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