why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
