I miss vodka workout Fridays
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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