Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
