By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
