bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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