shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
