the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.