you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped