i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants