I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
