Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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