i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
