Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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