Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
