It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
