My hand turned me down
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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